Let’s Be Honest: Sex-ed in America is Trash and Needs Reform
We’re nearing the end of Sexual Health Awareness Month, and I can’t help but reflect on the lack of sex education in America. I mean…we’re all familiar with its history and it’s safe to say the curriculum is trash. Despite our society’s evolution, no one cared enough to evolve how we learn and speak about sex, its nuances, or the details of how to navigate this energy (yes, I said energy) while our teenage (and most times adolescent) hormones are raging.
Honestly, it should come as no surprise.
With the female anatomy now the subject of law, the current policies create challenges for feminine-spectrum persons to advocate for safety in sex and their lives. And let’s not forget emotional safety in sex. The importance of all genders feeling and exhibiting trust in sexual engagements, communication, empathy, and grace.
Viewing sex and sex-ed in America from a gated lens leaves curious kids with their own devices. And of course, any curious teenager is gonna look on the interwebs or ask their non-experienced friends for as much information as they can consume.
If you’re part of Gen-X or older Millennial crew, I’m sure you parsed through snowy cable channels and attempted to make out the silhouette of bodies thumping about. Maybe you found someone’s scantily clad magazine subscription, snuck it into your room at night, and flipped through the pages. It’s even possible you were a latchkey kid who found some old VHS tapes and watched every nook and cranny your eyes would allow.
Upon consuming the breadth of content, the obvious next step — learn and apply. So, that’s what you do. When you come across someone more curious and advanced — that’s what you do.
Liberally.
Vigorously.
Uninhibited.
Unrestricted.
The results, for the moment, are amazing. You rinse and repeat until it becomes natural with your “practice partner,” because that’s what you do, right? Practice. Why else would this bodily exchange exist, if not to master it like the entertainers you see on TV?
Until one day, you get caught or caught up. Reality sets in that the horizontal workout has consequences and repercussions everyone glossed over. Scare tactics, ironically, tend to incite more curiosity than restraint.
It’s a cyclical story teenagers have experienced for, dare I say, centuries. Those blissfully ignorant teenagers evolve into adults who lack the wherewithal to manage their sexual interactions with other human beings. While some folks are diligent enough to educate themselves, this doesn’t outweigh the plethora of people who lean on that limited sex-ed from high school — and that’s assuming they paid attention to the modicum of information we all received.
Our media consumption encompasses massively oversexualized content to include behaviors and lexicon that perpetuate this lack of education. How many times have we seen sexual partners actually use condoms in intimate scenes? It’s no surprise healthy depictions of sex are almost non-existent in media where sex is a plot device.
Outside of American culture, most countries view sex differently. The words experience and energy are prevalent in many Eastern perspectives, ATRs (African Traditional Religions), and other indigenous cultures. Many view sex as alchemy — a sacred exchange that transcends spiritual consciousness. While I don’t believe soul ties exist, some people do and approach sex with a caution geared to preserve our whole body’s well-being.
*cue the Kama Sutra*
There are entire anthologies of books dedicated to the art of sex, pleasure, and how to ensure everyone has the best sexual interactions. From positions to meditative practices, this breadth of knowledge offers insight into our bodies, our hormones, and aphrodisiacs. I wish someone had the balls to pop out the Kama Sutra, select a few chapters, and really teach young adults the art of sex.
The importance of the energy exchange.
How to listen to your body and advocate for yourself in sex.
If I’d known it was OK to say no clothes off with a penis two inches from my vagina, it would’ve saved me a lot of coochie cash in my younger years.
I wish someone had the guts to separate the masculine-presenting folks from the feminine-presenting folks and discuss the importance of autonomy in sex. How it’s unnecessary to negotiate one’s proverbial “virginity” or that virginity, as we know it, is a patriarchal concept.
Pleasure without penetration.
Erogenous zones and prioritizing our pleasure, as well as our partners.
Wellness.
How sometimes sex affects your mind and spirit and to be cognizant of how we feel in the presence of current and past partners. Reactions in the body may be a sign this person either makes us feel good or terrible. Maybe if we understood the difference between an invigorating spark and anxious butterflies, we wouldn’t confuse the two for an affirmation to share our bodies in illusive certainty.
I’m positive sex would have been different if our sex-ed curriculum included a cohesive and holistic outlook because it is my lived experience — despite toiling through a muck of hard lessons that were easily avoidable had someone been gutsy enough, to be honest.
I share this with passion and concern for the youth and my fellow peers because a lack of education always puts you in a position to repeat lessons until you learn. Filling gaps becomes difficult when you’re unaware of what’s missing.
Here’s to sex-ed reform… at some point.
